...

This inner grief
Destroying the walls of humanity.
My faith burnt to ashes.
This existence loses any meaning

Darkness shining through the wastelands...
Hearing voices yet again.
The shadows of death surrounding me.
Tearing at me yet again.

I stand above a grave...
My corpse rotting beneath my feet.
I see visions of blood and gore
Feel the old wounds reopening.

Tired of fighting these voices.
Tired of fighting this life.
Tired of soldiering on this meaningless existence
I just wish to sleep.

I can feel the vultures circling above me.
Can feel my soul walk towards its end.
The path of unlit candles...
The path of sunken gravestones.
The graveyard of death...
The graveyard of life.

Soon, death will envelope me
Soon, I shall bid farewell to this dream.
Soon, I shall escape this void.
Soon, I shall die

I will Live...

.

Pain.
Misery.
Desolation
Solitude
Dreams of death
Dreams of destruction
Suffocating shadows.
Crippling darkness.

Driven by nameless fears.
Driven by a faceless shadow
Tired of this futile resistance.
Tired of the ghosts of days past.

Fading Dreams for a present...
Broken dreams for a future.
Cut down these wings.
Let them not flutter.

In a pool of blood I drown
The blade, my only hope
Tear away at this shell that holds the spirit
Tear away at this life

The path is clear
Only death is certain
As I stare at the lights far away,
My vision slowly fades...

Silence.
Nothingness.
The sacrifice has been performed.

Suffer...

cloaked by misery
alone in this lifeless void
blinded by this darkness.
i feel nothing
i hear nothing.
desolation
soltitude
despair...
like a disease with no cure.
surrounded by this plague of misery and torment.
i cant live this life anymore.
suffer
an endless wait for the end.
broken.
i tear my rotten flesh
tear my pale, cold skin.
release this blood.
release this misery.
i welcome this cold, hard steel on my body
tearing this wretched existence apart.
suffer.
the steel finally pierces through the vein.
the never-ending fall.
nothingness...
silence...
left to rot.

in solitude...

crawling...
to the abyss.
seeking something more
where is this life you speak of?
i am alive,
yet why do i feel dead?
writhing in solitude,
i feel alone...
alone and cold, in this lifeless void
blinded by this darkness
nothing seen, nothing heard
suffer
decay
i ache for the end
the end of this curse
this suffocation
when will it end?
a disease with no cure
a plague with no end...

i must find an answer.
an answer to this misery.
i run the rope through my cold hands
feel it tighten around my neck.
my impure blood...
slowly drips to the ground.
visions of a fading life...
memories of a fading past...
take me to death
take me to the place where all hunger will cease
take me to the place where all misery will cease.
take me to death...

Submit to Self-Destruction

in this poem, i have tried to express the train of thought during self-mutilation and immediately after it...


I didnt want to do it again
but couldnt stop myself.
Consumed by darkness,
i reached out for the blade...
relief...sweet relief...
relief when the skin bursts open...
relief when the blood flows...
relief in this pain...beautiful self-administered pain
this sweet bliss.
The bliss when the cold blade touches the skin,
purifying my mind,
sanctifying my soul.

Then comes the realisation,
feel the silence...
as the aftermath of your actions finally dawn upon you.
feel the disgust...
feel the pain...
feel the tears,
as you watch your blood drip on the floor.
feel the self-loathing...
feel the agony.

Push yourself again...
push yourself to live through another day.
force yourself to look at your punctured skin
and wonder...
wonder what is worth this pain...
wonder what is worth going on like this...
wonder what this life is worth...
and feel this darkness consume you again...

Broken

This darkness
cold
penetrating
envelopes me
consuming
controlling
destroying me
gone are my dreams
replaced by this twisted, contorted nightmare
the nightmare i m living in
where are the promises?
where have they dissapeared?
the promise of happiness...
BROKEN
the promise of realising my dreams...
BROKEN
the promise of sanity
BROKEN
the promise of life
BROKEN

insanity concealed within this flesh
hatred, misery, anguish, grief
ruling over me
forced to live...
not allowed to exist...
there is no purpose
no meaning...no reason
only NIHILITY

this soul torn apart
eviscerated
destroyed
mutilated
ripped open
the will to dream is gone
the will to fight this insanity is gone
i have no choice but to submit
to submit to this nightmare...
to submit to this self-destruction
there is no life
there is no hope
as a meaningless empty shell i exist...
nothing left to feel
there is nothing left to heal...

total negation...

this soltitude....
so barren
so empty
so cold
so distant
i bid farewell
to this world
this cold cruel world
as this time slips by
i feel the end approaching me
i feel nothing but pain
this bitter, yet beautiful pain
everything is just a haze
a hazy blur made of my own fears and failure
i cry in shame of knowing my faults
but it doesnt seem to help anymore
these wounds refuse to close
forever open, reminding me of what i so despise
scarred and broken
i break, i grope, i fail
i suffer.....
shrouded by darkness
i slowly wither away
draining myself from everything,
i will leave today,
leave this life i so despise
broken by these flowing tears,
i will give it all up
my life, my dreams, my everything......