Sunday, November 9, 2008

Submit to Self-Destruction

in this poem, i have tried to express the train of thought during self-mutilation and immediately after it...


I didnt want to do it again
but couldnt stop myself.
Consumed by darkness,
i reached out for the blade...
relief...sweet relief...
relief when the skin bursts open...
relief when the blood flows...
relief in this pain...beautiful self-administered pain
this sweet bliss.
The bliss when the cold blade touches the skin,
purifying my mind,
sanctifying my soul.

Then comes the realisation,
feel the silence...
as the aftermath of your actions finally dawn upon you.
feel the disgust...
feel the pain...
feel the tears,
as you watch your blood drip on the floor.
feel the self-loathing...
feel the agony.

Push yourself again...
push yourself to live through another day.
force yourself to look at your punctured skin
and wonder...
wonder what is worth this pain...
wonder what is worth going on like this...
wonder what this life is worth...
and feel this darkness consume you again...

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Broken

This darkness
cold
penetrating
envelopes me
consuming
controlling
destroying me
gone are my dreams
replaced by this twisted, contorted nightmare
the nightmare i m living in
where are the promises?
where have they dissapeared?
the promise of happiness...
BROKEN
the promise of realising my dreams...
BROKEN
the promise of sanity
BROKEN
the promise of life
BROKEN

insanity concealed within this flesh
hatred, misery, anguish, grief
ruling over me
forced to live...
not allowed to exist...
there is no purpose
no meaning...no reason
only NIHILITY

this soul torn apart
eviscerated
destroyed
mutilated
ripped open
the will to dream is gone
the will to fight this insanity is gone
i have no choice but to submit
to submit to this nightmare...
to submit to this self-destruction
there is no life
there is no hope
as a meaningless empty shell i exist...
nothing left to feel
there is nothing left to heal...

Monday, August 11, 2008

total negation...

this soltitude....
so barren
so empty
so cold
so distant
i bid farewell
to this world
this cold cruel world
as this time slips by
i feel the end approaching me
i feel nothing but pain
this bitter, yet beautiful pain
everything is just a haze
a hazy blur made of my own fears and failure
i cry in shame of knowing my faults
but it doesnt seem to help anymore
these wounds refuse to close
forever open, reminding me of what i so despise
scarred and broken
i break, i grope, i fail
i suffer.....
shrouded by darkness
i slowly wither away
draining myself from everything,
i will leave today,
leave this life i so despise
broken by these flowing tears,
i will give it all up
my life, my dreams, my everything......

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Titleless...

this despair....
burning me,
silently kills me...
this night leaves everything dormant...
the light fades down in dusk,
in this darkness...
my soul bleeds...
as i cease

i can see not where i walk
stumbling, groping...
being crushed by there walls
cold are these haunting walls...
cold are my haunting thoughts
lost in darkness,
in the infinity of this night
in this dark frost..eternal darkness

never lived...
never known happiness...
only known grief
locked in a vault...
a vault where silence reigns
a vault where there is darkness everywhere...
fooled by a faint hope...
the false hope of a new dawn...
a new precious dawn

the infinity of this darkness penetrating me...
locked in obscurity
facing this eternal night
eternal darkness, the grand extinction of my life
infinity...infinity...infinity...
a dream of a light
just a shattered hope..
leaves me alone, leaves me empty
leaving me with this pounding sorrow
drowning me in this silence

all hope is drained from me
lost in twilight
i will never rest in peace...
alone in this dormant fields,
i am alone
nobody dwells in this place
the gods are gone
sealing my fate...

the dim lights vanish as my light finally ends
in this darkness, my tortured soul dies in pain
a solitary fall in a trance
this life is gone...
finally it is time for a new dawn to arise...

Friday, April 18, 2008

Blood in my Eyes...

i dont feel like myself anymore
running my fingers through these open sores
feel my bloody veins
this self-administered pain

hallucinations...
all i see is clouded visions

i want so much to cause this pain
i want to take it all away
cut this shell,
let death follow...
burying myself in this sorrow

pain coursing through my veins
have to realise,
this is all a lie
this life is just a lie...

aah...misery...misery...this sweet misery
slowly killing me
death beckons...
slowly...slowly
take it away...
i cant live through another day
all i can think of is death...
death, this merciful death...

this blade in my hands
takes two forms of agony
one is disgust and the other is sanity
dragging it along my veins...
clearing my thoughts...
purifying my soul

blood...
blood covering my eyes
blood covering my soul
sanctified...
purified...
i will finally die alone.
in this pool of blood i lay
with contempt for all the things about myself i hate
tighten my fists
hold my breath...
slowly, these feelings fade
can see death wrenched in front of my eyes
drifting away...
ending this life i hate...

the end...
the end of this agony...
the end of this misery...
the end of this hatred...
the end of...ME

Thursday, April 10, 2008

will i ever...

under bitter sorrow and scorn,
i was somehow born...
strewn in black decay
i just cant wait to fade away....
my life is taken from me
i am left empty
soulless, heartless, gutless,
i somehow exist
i live to die
i lie in wait
for death's sweet embrace
when will death come take me away?
when will i escape?

i have been cursed...
been given the curse of life
what have i done to bring this upon me?
its destroying me
punishing me
whipped mercilessly
with this stick of thorns,
i feel my spirit bleed.....

in desolation i weep
begging for the earth to swallow me
this human blade....piercing through my flesh
numbing the mental pain...
i see no end to this pain
forever falling through this abyss

my strength has been drained away
i have been left dry
i can see nothing in front of me
just darkness....
a bitter black
freezing hell....
oh god....when will this end?
what do i have to do,
to bring an end to this pain?

i can only find solace in death
this life isnt worth living
this foul existence has taken its toll on me...
i call upon death
to save my soul
to save what is remaining of me
one day i will die
and i will find peace,
in the wreckage of my flesh,
in the nakedness of my death.........

will i ever be happy?
will i ever melt in death's embrace?
will i ever see the flowers bloom again?
will i ever laugh again?
will these tears of blood ever stop?
dripping one by one,
staining the dust in my mind....
will these shadows ever lift off my head?
will i ever see the light?
will i....
will i ever live?.........

...

...

Monday, March 31, 2008

R.I.P Cryptopsy

aah...look how the mighty have fallen. it is amazing what cryptopsy have descended to. Now, this is the band that made a brutal death metal classic in 'None So Vile'. and now....just descended to utter crappiness (if it is a word) and utter mediocrity.

I remember a few weeks back, i was browsing around in metal-archives and it turned out they had a female in the band as well as a guy to sing clean and growls. And the guy was from a metalcore band named '3 mile scream'. and if that wernt enough, they changed their myspace page to "death metal/metal/Hardcore"...but well...i thought, how bad could it be? it is cryptopsy after all...cant be bad, right? WRONG. what followed was something i couldnt believe. the new cryptopsy wasnt bad, it was downright horrible.

Here's what guitarist Alex Aburn has to say about the new style: "Fans will be amazed by the diversity and open minded vision of Extremes for this particular entity." BULLSHIT...i m not amazed...the 2 new tracks signify everything cryptopsy shouldnt stand for. i wonder what they were thinking when they made these tracks.

so I finally got around to listening to the couple of leaked tracks of nĂ¼-Cryptopsy.

"Bemoan the Martyr:" holy nu-metalcore. The bass-only intro of the song sounds like fucking Korn. The groove riffs in this track are reminiscent of metalcore but they're way more fucking nu-metal than anything. And Flo Mounier's busting the hip hop beats. Holy Shit. The worst part about this isn't that they sold out, but that the songs sound fucking INCREDIBLY dated. What the fuck is this, 1997?

"Resurgence of the empire" is worse...wtf is the clean vocals doing in the 2.20 mark? and worse is the clean vocals around the 3:15 mark...holy shit...and signature changes that sound forced and are utter bullshit.

And what's the deal with the chick? I didn't hear once a fucking keyboard. She's not hot enough just to have the token hot chick so what's the deal? then why is she there?

thankfully the response to this unaduterated bullshit has been one of disbelief and an outpouring of hatred and intolerance. and flo mounier (the only remaining original member from the band) has the cheek to call the fans as "close-minded". Fuck you Flo. we didnt reject this bullshit cuz its not heavy. we rejected it cuz its a load of crap. And the fact is that flo, YOU SOLD OUT. You cant be open-minded to bullshit anyway.

I was on cryptopsy's side when people unmercifully shouted "rename the band please" But now i see where these people are coming from. In fact, i ll be the first one to rename the band Cryptopsy is doomed. They are dead now. I am glad Lord Worm and Jon left when they did..They would be laughing their ass off right now.

in conclusion, i guess, Lord Worm IS cryptopsy. this isnt cryptopsy, this is CRAPtopsy. Rename the band please, flo.

R.I.P Cryptopsy : 1992-2007

this is a fan-art of their new album cover. how fitting... -